Something I’ve thought a lot about lately is how to raise a successful family. In today's world it seems so common to see failed marriages and misfit kids. It’s a rarity to see a complete household anymore. It doesn’t take much reasoning to figure out that there aren’t any positive effects to a family splitting up so I wanted to find out what makes for a successful, strong family relationship, especially when it comes to raising kids. Children are impacted so much when things go wrong in the family so protecting your children means keeping the family together whenever possible. The unity in a family is strongly affected by the parenting styles used. There are many different styles people have tried and I’d like to go over a few and talk about their effects.
A parenting style that is getting more common is what's called permissive parenting(freedom without limits). Permissive parents are the kind that give their children as much freedom as possible because they don’t want to cause problems in their relationship. Many people feel this is the best way to do things because it allows for the children to learn for themselves and maintain a good relationship with their parents. In reality, this causes the kids to subconsciously feel like they aren’t being cared for and that they have to take the lead. Sometimes I think of the family unit like a wolf pack. The alpha of the pack earns respect, not by giving freedom, but enforcing rules and protecting the pack. If a child doesn’t feel protected, they will naturally try to claim the role as the alpha, or leader, in some ways. This is why it seems like kids are the ones that run the family and not the parents anymore. This parenting style usually arises because the parents were raised very strictly and don’t want to do that to their kids. This leads to the next parenting style, autocratic parenting.
Autocratic parenting(limits without freedom) is where the parent exercises complete control over their children and decides everything for them. There is little to no freedom for the kids. This was a very common parenting style in the past decades. This parenting style usually also comes from a good place. The parents want to protect their kids but because they don’t trust their kids to make decisions for themselves, they choose for them. This also causes a power struggle in the family “wolf pack” because the parent is so restrictive that the kids feel a need to fight back. One thing kids need is power. An autocratic style teaches the kids to seek power in a negative way.
It seems like there has to be some kind of balance, doesn’t it? A balance of these 2 kinds of parenting styles is called being an active parent(freedom within limits). The way this works is that the parents maintain control and authority in their household, thereby fulfilling the child's need for protection and direction, while still allowing some reasonable freedom to satisfy their need for power and respect. This can be done by talking to your child and agreeing on rules and consequences together in a reasonable way. This sets limits for the child that the child themselves respects. It helps the child feel respected and gives them a healthy amount of freedom while still protecting them. This way, you can lead the pack while maintaining their respect and not constantly having power struggles.
Learning how to be an active parent can be a very hard thing to do and it takes a lot of practice. I would encourage you all to do some research on active parenting and I promise it will change the way your family operates.
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