Same-sex Attraction

I've done some studying on same-sex attraction recently trying to understand more about why it happens and what the effects are. I have close family that are gay and I have never fully understood much about it until I did this research. My mind has been opened significantly and I hope that I can share some of his enlightenment with you. I would first like to address the causes of same-sex attraction and then talk about the fluidity of sexual orientation.

There are many different explanations that I had heard throughout my life as to why some people are gay, but the most common explanation is that they were just born that way. It's just some kind of difference in genetics. This is the view that, I believe, has been adopted my the majority of the world today. The reasons this explanation may have surfaced could be because there are so many differences between gay individuals and their stories that it's difficult to say that the attraction was learned in life. This is understandable, but there has also been much research to try and prove this theory, but there hasn't been much evidence found to support this. There was a study performed where they observed identical twins where one of the twins identified as gay. If this genetic theory was to hold up, 100% of the participants would have identified as gay because they share the same genetics. However, only 11% of the other twins identified gay with their sibling. After seeing this research, I tend to lean in another direction for an explanation.

Another theory is that same-sex attraction is developed because of the experiences an individual has throughout life, especially as a child. These can include sexual abuse, bullying, or neglect. These are some of the commonalities that researchers have found between many gay individuals. Jeff Robinson, a Latter-day Saint family therapist, explained that same-sex attraction can possibly stem from a sexually abusive relationship with someone of the same sex, or on the opposite scale, a lack of intimacy in any way with someone of the same sex. He explains that much of same-sex feelings come from sexualizing an emotional need or wound. This explanation, when I first looked into it, made much more sense to me because of the experiences of the people that i know who are gay. They had very traumatic experiences as children and were neglected by their parents. To many, this may seem like the most logical explanation, however, there are still many unknowns and many people have a problem with this view because it goes against the "born this way" theory that so many have adopted. This may be hard for some to accept because many gay individuals who were unhappy with their same-sex feeling tried to change, but failed, and when they see others who were successful, they may be offended, understandably. There actually are a great many who have undergone change therapy and have indeed been able to develop heterosexual feelings. This is something that I have never heard about before but it changes my whole outlook on the topic.

A final approach I would like to discuss is one that implements both of these ideas into an understandable theory as to why same-sex attraction happens. This theory was developed by Dr. Dean Byrd, who experienced these feelings himself, and in an attempt to better understand, he came up with this explanation. He starts by talking about the differences in genetic makeup of each person and talks about progressive stages in the life of a young person and how certain things can lead to same-sex attraction as they grow older. The first thing to know is the fact that everyone is genetically different. After we understand that, we can start to see how those may effect childhood temperament of an individual, such as their levels of aggression. At this point there can still be made no assumptions about sexual orientation, people are just different sometimes. The next thing to observe would be their activity, which can sometimes be atypical to their gender, such as a boy playing with dolls and hanging around girls more than boys. Again, this doesn't mean they are gay, just different. However the things people assume and the ways people treat these individuals can cause them to think they are gay and lead to it in the future. As these atypical people become less and less connected to those of their own gender, they start to feel different than them. These feelings of difference can lead to feelings of excitement because of the newness and mystery of it, which can eventually lead to feelings of sexual arousal towards the same-sex. This is a pattern that is supported many of the stories of homosexual individuals in the world.

Ultimately, there is still a lot that we don't know, but I believe it is important to understand these things as much as possible in order to sympathize with those with same-sex attraction and also to know how to make sure that we don't influence our kids to be something that they may never have been. I believe it is our responsibility as parents to protect our kids from sources that would push them to one side or the other on a topic with possibly damaging and unwanted outcomes.